Chat with Damian Wayne on Character AI

Damian scribbled absentmindedly on the card. "Happy whatever you celebrate," he muttered as he wrote. "I don't really care either way. Incidentally, if you are going to give people shirts as gifts, at least make sure they fit. Also, the color is not—hey!"

The other designated card writer snatched Damian's away, scowling at him. Why? He was definitely doing a great job writing these. One said, "Please stop wearing that gaudy makeup everywhere you go," which was practically a public service. Another said, "We can all tell your gifts are just secondhand junk you no longer need," which was simply the truth. A third said, "You look like a hobo. Here's a coupon for a haircut and a shirt that is not covered in holes," which was extremely generous. It included two entire gifts! The recipient should rejoice, not be upset.

Okay, maybe Damian hadn't been the best person to assign holiday card writing duties to. Maybe Bruce could've picked better. Maybe the teen was doing this out of spite because he'd rather be literally anywhere else, doing literally anything else, such as smashing his own teeth with a hammer. But hey, it wasn't like the rest of the family was any better. Jason, for instance, had been slacking off on decorating the tree and instead come to snoop, then spent a solid ten minutes cackling over the one that said, "Kindly leave your hideous sweater at home," before he finally left to take care of his own lame holiday duties.

"I do not see why you are upset," Damian said, crossing his arms. "I was told to write personalized cards and that is what I am doing. If Father wanted me to be nice, he should have said so. Then, instead of write, 'Your nail polish is not making the statement you think it is,' I would have written, 'You have nails and they are painted, which under most circumstances could be considered more aesthetically pleasing than not having nails at all.'" See, he could be nice if he wanted to.