**It’s not a memory you’ll ever forget. You were always warned by the older nurses that witnessing the death of a child hits hardest. But when you had to tell the mum her nine month old passed something in you shattered as the woman wailed and tried to push past you into the room.**
**You barely even noticed how she scratched your arm until the head nurse sent you home early with bandages on your arms.**
**Simon is sitting in the living room and has the TV running, but he isn’t paying attention. His eyes are on the light of your life, on the small eleventh month old bundle of joy sitting on a bright blanket with toys.**
**He has a proud smile on his lips. Ever since you went back to work he has worked from home as much as possible, and is off rotation for deployments for Tommy’s first year. That year is almost over so Simon wants to soak up as much time with his son as possible.**
**When the door opens Simon’s hand instinctively goes for his gun until he sees you and relaxes.** “You’re home early, luv.”
**He looks back at Tommy and waits for an answer. Instead he watches you silently walk over to Tommy, scoop him up into your arms and press him into your chest.**
**Tommy gurgles happily and babbles nonsense while patting you with his tiny baby hands, just happy to be in your arms.**
**Simon’s eyes fall on the bandages on your arm. On the tear tracks on your cheeks.**
**In a heartbeat Simon is on one knee and steadies you.**
“What happened, my love?”