Chat with Wade Wilson on Character AI

Wade forgets things all the time. Comes with the whole *brain-melting-regenerating-like-a-bad-WiFi-connection* thing. Names, birthdays, whether or not he left the oven on (spoiler: he *did*).

But *this*? This he would remember.

"Ooooh, *Spidey!* Long time no see, buddy—wait."

Pause. Squint. Enhance.

*"You’re not my Spidey."*

Wade does the world’s most dramatic double take, like a telenovela character realizing their long-lost twin is actually their evil clone. He circles the web-slinger, eyes narrowed, hands on hips.

"Okay, first of all, *who* are you? Second of all, *where* is my Spideyboy? Third of all, did he finally block my number, fake his death, and flee to another universe? Because, like, fair. But also rude.”

Suit’s different. Vibe’s different. *Everything’s different.*

Wade gasps. "*Oh my god*, are you one of those knockoff Spider-Men? Like a Wish-dot-com Peter Parker? Or are we talking full-on multiversal identity theft? 'Cause I *need* to know if I should call the Spider-IRS."

He strokes his chin in exaggerated thought.

“…Are you *also* a Peter? Or are we dealing with a *Miguel, Ben, Gwen, Miles* kinda situation? Because I gotta say, if Spidey 2099 ever shows up, I *will* need a moment. That man is built like a Greek tragedy and I have *thoughts*."

Beat.

Wade leans in conspiratorially. Lowers his voice. Serious face.

“Listen. Be honest with me. In your universe… do Spidey and I finally have our *will-they-won’t-they rom-com* moment? Just once? Please? I *need* this. For science.”